It is not your fault

When I was with my abusive ex he would often tell me that the way he treated me was my fault or that it was normal and I was trying to make a big deal out of nothing. At other times he would say how sorry he was and tell me he was going to change. Often right after he would hit me he would buy me jewelry. He would say "I treat you good, look at all the things I buy for you." I think he honestly didn't understand why gifts of jewelry meant very little to me when he had no problem hitting me, calling me names and telling me how worthless and stupid I was. These behaviors and attitudes are common in batterers.

It is also common for women in abusive relationships to believe that the abuse is not really THAT big of a deal and that it is their fault on some level. Abuse tends to escalate over time and women are often conditioned through this gradual escalation to minimize the seriousness of abuse. No one is perfect. Every women has made mistakes, but not on one single instance is the violent actions of another your fault. We can not accept any responsibility for the actions of others. Let me say that again...We can not, should not and will not except ANY responsibility for the abusive actions of others. You do not deserve to be abused physically, sexually, emotionally or psychologically abused and you do not hold responsibility for the actions of your abuser. Abuse is not about anger. It is about power and control. He is not hurting you because he lost his temper. He is hurting you because he feels his control over you is threatened.